Hassling The Hoff
Gray and Kerry Hassle The Hoff at Waterstones
...and there it is.
Gray - Celebrity Stalker strikes again... Me and the better half got to Waterstones at the Manchester Arndale Centre and had a word with Matt (Assistant Manager and old bookseller collegue from the Dark Ages) who kept us informed of The Hoff's movements. We waited around forever and numerous Waterstones' types told us of The Rules for the signing (nothing signed but the book, no big chats etc. The usual bullshit, basically.) Then Matt quietly told me what was about to happen, The Hoff would come out of the lift and go to the back of the queue and walk down it to the front, saying "Hi" to everyone before sitting down and starting to sign. Which is exactly what happened...
The lift door opened and a camera crew got out followed by The Hoff and his people who guided him down the queue. The shop went mad and the atmosphere was electric. It's odd to think that the man can actually fill a fucking bookshop will such a great atmosphere. He really worked the room, I can tell you that. He high-fived and shook hands and generally played the part of "The Hoff" to a tee, incredible stuff. He kissed babies, pressed the flesh, healed the sick and cured the blind before taking his throne ready to sign His People's sweaty books.
We waited our turn and watched an amazing professional show as he signed a few books, then got up to wander into the queue and chat to people. We couldn't see everything due to the layout of the shop at the start of the signing, but there was cheering and singing happening all the time.
The crowd was varied and there were teenage Metal fans rubbing shoulders with quivering housewives waiting for their moment in the presense of The Man Himself, The Baywatcher, The Knight Rider, The Hoff. To his credit, he seemed to take the time he could and acknowledged everyone there, even if they seemed to be taking the piss a little. The Hoff seems to know exactly what he's famous for and how he is perceived and he plays right into that with ease. You knew that you weren't seeing 'David Hasselhoff' the man, but 'The Hoff' the multimedia prince of the world (The Shat is the King, of course!)
We got to the front of the line and his team of publicists were ready to tell us what to do. We did as we were told and handed our books over to go into the signing queue. We saw that people were being pushed through as quickly as possible. I got the camera ready and we went for it. This is where it all becomes a blur of fiddling with my camera whilst getting a handshake and a "Cheers" in, picking up the books, being shouted at to "MOVE!" by his psycho publicist woman and making sure that Kez got a kiss out of the man (which she did). It was mad.
We were both laughing at it all. Kez's bosses were watching her and were thinking up a selection of jibes to store away at her display of worship to The Hoff. I was amazed at the sheer madness of the event.
We got caught by the BBC outside the shop and they interviewed Kez (I got well out of the way.) Matt came out for a chat but saw the cameras and gave me the "typical" eye-roll look (he knows us both so well) and said he'd catch us again. He was mad-busy and had to get back. The footage of her and the photo I took (see above) got showed that evening on the news and our phone went mad. Ebbers Jr seemed very impressed to see his mummy on the telly too, which was nice... In his words: "GAH! MUMMEEEE!"
ALL HAIL THE HOFF!
Now, all I have to do is meet The Shat!
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© 2006 Graham T. Ebbrell